Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
He got too drunk... he threw up ON the closed toilet.
It's a Jersey thing
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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