i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
I found him passed out against a dryer in the girls washroom, in front of an old woman was trying to figure out how to dry her hands.
He actually offered up a silent prayer thanking God for my "tremendous ass." You tell me how my night is going.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
His junk had piercings everywhere. The dick and balls. It was a fucking pirate penis.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
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