i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
He just told me he would murder a thousand dolphins to be with me. Quite the charmer.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
its not thanksgiving till you and grandpa shotgun beers out in the shed, and lose
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
The girl in the stall next to me is puking her brains out, I'd say she had just a good a weekend as us
I gave her some alkaseltzer ad she looked at me lke I was god
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I'm sorry I tried to stab you. I just really wanted those mozerella sticks.
dude, next time you say lets go on an adventure, tell me if there are going to be psychotrophics involved before hand.
Randomize
