no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
I peed glitter this morning and had a beard drawn on my face with eyeliner. Last time I do shots with gay Dan.
He ate me out like a beaver on a tree. I've never been so scared in my life
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
So hungover im counting my own breaths to make sure im not dead. The odds hurt.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
Its a holy bong. We had to bless the holy bong water.
I straight up told your dad I've slept with a majority of your family
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
Randomize
