If I go to jail what happens to my debt?
You dont have to pay it.
I'm going to jail.
i woke up with someone drivers licenses in my wallet this am...he said i don't have a business card so just take my drivers license
would you kill someone to have someone deliver pancakes to you when you were high?
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
what's the name of that soccar player i bit again?
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
Soooo fucked this chick last night! While fucking she started talking into the fan on the side of my bed. Does that count as sex with a robot
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
Randomize
