if i die, you can have my worn out liver and american apparel deep v's.sell the liver to a chinese restaurant
Remember that time i walked in on your friend taking a huge shit?
Remember that time you hooked up with him?
I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
Imagine that my comprehension level is that of a 7 year old and explain your plan again
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Curled up in the fetal position, trying not to throw up or think about my future, and humming songs from musicals to myself. You?
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
Getting food poisoning after eating at work was the cherry on top of my "Welcome back to real life" sundae.
It was a bad idea to take ecstasy with cats in the house. No animal likes being touched that much. Let me know how your eye feels tomorrow
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