I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Dude she pregamed for her sorority's philanthropy.
The picture that pops up when I call her phone is a picture of my nipple. Just so you're forewarned.
Yeah I figured you were blackout when you were Shakira dancing on the floor.
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
She literally took off her shirt and ran out of the bar. When she ran back she smashed into the glass door with her face....That's got to be the best way to celebrate your 30th.
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hey, dude, is Kevin still passed out on your porch?
Yeah. I'm gonna go leave a pitcher of bloody mary next to him in case he's still alive.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
after last night, ive never not wanted to live so much in my life.
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
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