can you have the cops turn on the gps locator on my phone...i just woke up in a Hooters uniform and I have no idea where I am...
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
I found out he doesn't have a facebook, twitter, or myspace. So, I'm going to actually go to his house to spy on him.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I gave an inspirational speech to a bum and called a bride ugly at her wedding reception.
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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