I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
remember tomorrow: you burned the inside of your nose with incense. it hurt.
she had a my little ponys comforter. i left when she went to the bathroom
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
He doesn't need to speak English. He needs to speak sex.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
We found her. She's owling on the sink in the bathroom.
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
Munching saltines, sippin Gatorade, and trying not to get eaten by this small horse
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
He told me my car had really nice leather seats right before he jizzed all over them.
Randomize
