doesn't matter. i just recorded the power rangers theme song on my phone. and its loud. was thinking we could use it as our entrance song as we walk into bars.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
Hurricane Sex Time is the only thing iv said since it started.
He goes "sorry was at the gym. Some of us workout " and I wanted to text him back and go "well some of us do occasional drugs so we don't have to"
he used the hotel microwave to cook the 16" pizza he bought at the walmart deli
He used a "food city great value" card to cut it
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
Randomize
