dude i totally did the walk last night came out of her room to see her dad sitting there straight lookin at me...wtf
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
well my dad not being home definitely made it less awkward to walk in carrying the bra I left wearing.
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Batteries died. I don't care that you're studying for the bar. Come over. Bring the law books and study after. I'll even make coffee.
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
When she saw "buy condoms" on my to do list she figured out pretty quick we were breaking up.
I just put my eye make up on in the bathroom of the bar.... I may be too comfortable here....
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Yeah, let's go with that. Fuck that weak moment of complete honesty I just had.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
