I'm laying in your front yard are you home
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
That ginger could cleveland steamer me and it would still be the best day of my life
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Though I feel a moral obligation to take you there, point out all of the male supervisors and slap you on the wrist and yell, "NO!!"
Shitty. Well if it makes you feel any better I just had a toothless wasted crackhead in my bar who was mad because there are TOO MANY FUCKIN TREES in Nantucket.
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
girl pulled up to the stop sign, got out, threw up all over my hood said happy thanksgiving then drove off
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Randomize
