CAN CRIS ANGEL JUST LOOK NORMAL FOR ONCE?!
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
I see your smile in the face of every drunk that senses he's about to slay a troll.
I don't know what happened this summer, I've lost my sense of morality. All I do now is work, get drunk, and have sex near national landmarks.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
just reached the point where my breast implants paid from themselves in free drinks.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
Randomize
