I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
i fucked her mom dude
there's something to tell the kids
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
tell me how i ended up in the movie theater alone with a bottle of smirnoff and a bendy straw.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
