I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
The guy got mobbed on, all hell broke loose. About 20 cops showed up, and this kid somehow convinced a cop that letting him pee in front of him is justifiable. This guy could sweet talk Hellen Keller, he was THAT good
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
