please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
And it was confirmed to me that I did in fact cut my girlfriend out of her dress with my sword.
Word is he has some crazy hawaiian STD
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
He really only has clothes, like 4 boogie boards, and a bong here.
The night they met I slept with both of them. Of course I'm best man.
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