I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Another memory: We offered for a stranger to live in our house under the condition that he took the garbage out because it's a 'blue' job.
We are the best.
Ps. We need to take the garbage out.
Lets just say that a certain piercing set off certain alarms when I went thru the airport detector/scanner thingie. David was high fived like 12 times.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
He says it takes a lot to subdue the urge to just bury his face in my vagina. Of course, I have absolutely no problem with this.
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
If I'm getting through this pandemic I'm doing it drunk.
Randomize
