I feel like I'm in dance class right now
honestly if we didnt hate the same people we would have a friendship based on nothing
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
It's only slutty when someone else does it. It's okay if it's us though
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
You insisted that you sleep on the bear rug instead of the couch. You said it was lonely and you kept on petting its head.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Hey, don't blame me for the shitty evening; I wasn't the one who promised hookers, Dos Equis and foster kittens. Keith was.
Be there in 20. Want icecream?
sex. I want sex. I like where your heads at though.
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
