So I'm going back to my apartment just to get my vibrator.
I thought you were moving in with your boyfriend for the summer?
Well....one will keep me from having to pay rent and the other satisfies. I'll let you figure it out.
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
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throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
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Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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