He uses pillows to masturbate.
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
You had sex with him even after he literally described himself as a "coldplay guy"? There's a line you just don't cross. There is a line.
He burnt a smiley face into the screen with a cigarette, peed in my tub and then tried to take off his pants. tried...
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
You pissed off the back deck while listening to the national anthem from your phone screaming America Fuck Yea to my neighbors
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
I feel like we'd have a lot of fun being drunk at a dog show.
Currently watching high school football on ESPN. Drink every time they say 'this kid's got potential' or 'look at this kid go' or 'atta kid' We're done for..
FIVE TIMES AND I HAVENT GOTTEN OFF ONCE
literally yelled NOOOO right before he finished .. yelled “five times and I still haven’t gotten off” when he was still inside me ..
Said “don’t worry I’ll get myself off tomorrow” to top it all off
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
