; Think of how many worthless people would b non existant if there was no liquor so their parents never hooked up
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
just smoked a blunt while listening to nsync. i now know what my childhood was missing.
standing in the yard with no pants on waiting for google maps to come and take a picture.
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Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He had bigger boobs than me last night and we both weren't wearing a bra so it was a fair judgement
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Do you think it would be okay if i cleaned my cartilage piercing with the leftover vodka?
Literally just took 6 shots in the shower..I’ve got this.
Was make out with a 38 year old lesbian on our bucket list? if it was you can go ahead and cross that one off.
he had to stop me from eating snow off the street on the way back to pick up our cars. that's how hungover i am.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
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