can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
I love that your last three texts to me were "Drunk." "Getting laid." "In the hospital."
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
Our nipples touched last night. It was tender.
guess who got crunk and thought it would be a good idea to give herself a pixie cut?
THOUGHT
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
Randomize
