Sex on a kitchen table is not as amazing as they make is seem in the movies.
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
Well, I just watched him puke into his pitcher at the bar, I doubt he cares about anything other than the fact that he needs a new beer.
I basically have a picture with a half naked foreign exchange student. He kept screaming rolltide and i felt like a traitor
I can't believe he let me cut his hair as stoned as I was.. I think I even cut my own hair too
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
Is this what it's like to be an adult? You plan out play dates for your vagina?
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I wore grinch underwear to my well woman exam this morning and I feel like I adulted successfully today.
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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