i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
I'm never celebrating Galentine's Day again. It was a whorrific mess.
Is it illegal to hookup with your fathers god child?
The single life is the freaking dream dude. I'm sitting here naked, eating chocolate mousse, and watching Gilmore girls. It's wonderful
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
May have told my history professor I wanted him to stuff me like a turkey. Too slutty?
Nah, people appreciate the creativity of seasonal sluttiness. Let me know if it works!!!
Randomize
