i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
We eventually get in a cab (after david tried to hail multiple regular cars and some sort of shuttle bus)
Just signed my boyfriend up on a dating website so I could officially have a reason to leave him for my hot neighbor.
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
I gave them the 'I used to fuck your son' discount.
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
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