listen. just hotwire a car, take off the license plate, make up a new one on a sheet of paper and go the speed limit. i do it like, at least 3x a week.
Yeah he kicked my ass... He probably wouldnt have hit me as hard though if I wasnt lauging and yelling " I fucked your sister I fucked your sister" over and over again.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
She just stuck her hand down the strippers pants. Shit just got real.
second attempt at shower sex: failed after the water turned orange bc of a fire up the street. this is just not meant to be
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
Had to immediately delete the Bevmo email because I can't even look at an email about alcohol right now.
he fucked me while wearing his "Reagan Bush '84" tank and my inner democrat has never been more disappointed
you're the only girl i know who can be too sick to walk to the kitchen and still have enough game to receive multiple orgasms
Also I just had a pointless meeting and the only thing I accomplished were my kegals
We smell like vodka and hangover
Randomize
