Today at work while talking to my co-worker we both realized at the same time that last year I had a one night stand with his roommate and he was in the living room drinking coffee when I did the walk of shame. YAY.
Small penises have feelings too.
Just realized I have to keep sleeping with him... those scars from drunk sex on the 4th of July are still on my back and lord knows I'm not about to explain that to another guy.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
You did a jig for the bouncer when you saw him. Just reminding you.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Finals week...the biggest cock block since your brother threatened me with a beer bottle at the bar.
Wake up. Pour coffee. Open blinds. Guy is skipping class and jacking off furiously to Asian porn. Close blinds. Finish coffee. So this must be what med school is like.
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
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