Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
He needs to seriously stop texting me at 3am for sex. Late night and early morning hours are for the guys who DON'T bust a nut in the first 5 minutes of making out.
Yeah minute men are best for late afternoons when you're inbetween running errands and have nothing to do.
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
Update: tequila girl had her hand down groomsmen pants
Well he waved at me as he was leaving so he def noticed the staring, and by staring i mean blatant eye fucking from across the bar..
Want to have dinner and we can talk about how my vagina can make you feel better?
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