she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
He gave her the shocker .. I didn't know people really did that.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
If I had cancer, and got to make a wish, id make the organization force your dad to fuck me.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
We both work at 8am and I have to shower but my roommate is passed out on our bathroom floor with the door locked. Merry Christmas.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
