My boss' voice literally gives me gas
this is a family affair. You're an embarrassment.
whatever it's not my family
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
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He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Can you please come and collect your boss off of my kitchen floor.
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I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
2017 is my year to realize stuff. Move over Kylie Jenner
Get ready for me I'm full of tequila and I want to be full of you next
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