Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
My passouts and memory loss are great training for when I have alzheimers. You'll know where to look when I get lost.
Are you absolutely against sleeping in your car? Because i've done that before.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
That is NOT what pussyfooting around means. Try that again with your toe and I break it off.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
I ripped my favorite jeans crossing that fence
That sucks
It's an upgrade! I didn;t even have to unzip my pants to pee!
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
Um went out in San Francisco last night and ignored someone hitting on me. So they bit my arm. Lmfao PLEASE TELL ME THIS ISNT THE SINGLE LIFE
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
Randomize
