apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
and then the entire party sang the national anthem a capella around the keg.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
I think having a vagina should be considered a skill, give me a break.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Do you own a cuff key and know where Karen lives?
If those panties could talk.
"Once upon a time, Jenny got chlamydia from a magician. The end."
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
The party pretty much ended once she shit on the couch
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
