im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
no you cant smoke seaweed
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
He's going to regret telling me he doesn't care if i shave or not...
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
She looked up at the menu and yelled this is my absolute favorite literacy
It's definitively the wine. Every time I can drink and work I feel like I win at the game of life.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
"Are we not going to talk about how you got so drunk that you swallowed someone's pet gold fish, whole?"
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Randomize
