That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
I had so much drainage I couldn't moan properly. Fuck allergy season
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
