Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I have bruises covered in glitter and someone just asked me if I realized I'm bleeding from both ears. This is awkward.
In the memo line of the check she wrote sexual healing.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I knew I was in trouble when she kept referring to the next day as things we should do
So you brought her to my house and left her on my couch.
The only joy I have here is being able to shit with the door open.
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
That's why my boobs are so big, they're full of secrets.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
Randomize
