I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
I woke up this morning and the first thing i saw was the harry potter tattoo on his left butt cheek.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I'm not trying to go crazy tonight either. I just want to go out, have a few drinks, meet up with my ex-boyfriend and get fingered or something.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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