Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Her cum face looks like the large marge scene in pee-wees big adventure
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
Got home and told boyfriend what happened. He was like "you made out with a guy you call Balls Deep?" and hi-fived me.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
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