I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
he just said he'd buy the porn
its a step up from the last guy
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
She has that type of face she reminds me of that weird girl from napoleon dynamite only taller and with hoop earrings.
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
