:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
ok so I'm texting you now like I promised instead of drunktexting aaron and telling him how badly I want his cock tonight. aren't you proud?
this is Aaron, hi
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
You were basically naked. Just covered in pink duck tape and feathers. I'd have to say this is beyond the slutty mark..
Maybe we could get a groupon for vasectomy. I'm game.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
She didn't complain to the library attendant about us being too loud. She complained after you grabbed her highlighter off the table to stir vodka into your tumbler with.
pls come tAke this super bath no romo it's just. so nice.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
Randomize