I heard we made out
Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
We all know the best way to start a relationship is greeting while at least one of you are intoxicated, dual facebook stalking, and a two week long game of 20 questions via texts to 'really' get to know each other. In that order.
I wouldn't have it any other way. It's like a fairy tale!
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
Remeber when I drunkenly made out with him this summer while he was getting bitched at by his girlfriend on the phone? Yeah, neither do I. But I'm pretty sure that same thing happened again last night.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
And I'm ok with his balls touching my ass
Dude this stripper just dry humped the settings off my phone. She earned that dollar
Dad had me doing shots of chocolate mint Everclear last night. I've never felt closer to him.
I spent a lot of time in their kitchen cause I was convinced that the living room was gonna fall... Sorry for not warning you about that.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
MIDGETS
????
I'm covered in bite marks and have a cracked rib - was a good weekend
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Randomize
