dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
im so glad i don't have to work tomorrow. I'm spendin all night on the new call of duty.
Wow. That's the gayest thing you ever said.
Look man i'm staying in playing videogames and growing a beard. Its not like i'm trying to get a girlfriend.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
250 people in this lecture & my prof asks who already drank green beer this morning& is drunk right now. I WAS THE ONLY ONE TO RAISE MY HAND
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
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