Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
Had to have a serious talk with my liver and remind it that it is my birthday weekend and there are three more nights like last night ahead of us
you two started sword fighting with 3 ft tall spruce trees you pulled out of planters
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
I'm thinking about wearing a strap-on just to freak him out the next time he pulls my pants off.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
If he isn’t into CosPlay he will be after tonight. That naughty nurse outfit heals broken hearts
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