mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
my roommate's gf just broke up with him and hes in his room crying and listening to coldplay while beating off to pictures of her...
hapi new year, hope this year brings u happiness and lots of sexi people ;)
stop writing like that.
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Am I really that girl who walks around half naked wearing a cowboy hat begging for liquor at some random guys house
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I paper cut my nipple reading mail topless
I thought one was bad but really there are two woman stupid enough to marry our brother...unreal
Clearly you need to take sleeping pills and put your phone in the toilet
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
