a very overweight girl in the ER just said she trippped over the invisible wii jump rope and fell
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Why can't you just be normal and get dick pics from your exes like everyone else?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
I hate when pretentious people talk bad ab corn dogs
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