i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
More importantly, he hasn't caught an STD yet. I mean I'd say it's luck, but at this point it has to be skill.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
My phone broke again .... im not really sure how im going 2 explain the teeth marks to the ppl at the Verizon store
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
