bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
some crying dude holding an empty fifth of burnetts just showed up at our door and asked 'do i live here?'
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Seriously, dude... You knows its bad when you gag on her nipple.
So Monday we're lesbians.
Deal. This decision is final and any rebates on this will result in losing an eyeball.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
I spy something regrettable...
Oh my god. Stop!! It was one time and I still can't believe it.
My general physician told me i have the emotional capacity of a 2 year old, While he refilled my xanax prescription. That's service!
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
if you were broke and planning on using koolaid as a tequila chaser which flavor would you pick?
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
Randomize
