Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
Only girl at that party wearing a fake beard and I STILL get laid...
Ha ha. You should see the things I'm doing to my body at Bob Evans.
He shit in a sock dude, you can't come back from that
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
What an age we live in that I can try to pick up a guy by using my phone while I'm taking a shit at work.
I don't know. I was hiding and the bed was banging. I am going to sleep now in someone's car.
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Code 10 We gotta leave. Now. I took a dump in the upstairs toilet and its clogged and overflowing, and believe me I don't want to have to explain myself to this frat on parents weekend.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
im glad to be known as "the girl you had sex with on a golf course"
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
