I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
Her parties are sponsored by Valtrex. This might not be your best idea.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
The sun is gonna brush it's hairy dick across my forehead in the morning, gently whispering: "you're 4 hours late for work"
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
I punched some guy in the face for being an asshole then later I went to say sorry and give him a hug and he started making out with me. How was your new years?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want him to come back from NOLA alive, without an arrest record or stripper glitter on his clothes...
Those seems like unreasonable expectations for a bachelor party honestly...
I'm currently on a bowling date with my girlfriend and her boyfriend. It's pretty fun.
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
One less thong to worry about.
One less *thing! But probably that too.
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