oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
he texted me at 1 in the morning to ask if i wanted to come over and play in the snow with him
at least he gets points for a creative booty call
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
By connection do you mean me drunkenly grinding my ass on his lap for an extended period of time? If so, then yes, we had a "connection"
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
Sun* burn. But that sounds like wait.. Midsentence thought... It would be like swimming in a giant bowl of cereal.. Only I would be cereal. This is brilliant.
You rode him down the last flight of stairs like a human sled.
On that note I give you a 10 for sticking the landing and staying on the whole ride.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
That's one good thing about being an only child. I can masturbate wherever the fuck I want
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
Randomize
