Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I am the Bobby Fisher of drunk asss puking
he is a creepy guy.
yea thats what heroine does to ppl.
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
you said you were a responsible adult. then you licked the wall.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
I feel like butter and tequila would be excellent combination. Right now. Please do this in my name.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
It's like when your main girl and your side girl start having their period in the same week
You are the most depressed sports fan I know
They live across the street from a school baseball field so they have porter potties across the street and let's just say that I'm grateful they exist
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
Randomize
