You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
operation harelip BJ is a go
ya and he came three minutes into it because he didnt have sex all summer
oh that makes more sense i knew you arent that good
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Just gave a urinal high five to a complete stranger. Might not be such a bad night after all
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
I got propositioned to get involved with an engaged couple. I told them I didn't think my married couple would like me to see other couples...
She and I had some intense sexual tension earlier when she dumped a package of apple straws all over my body.
I don't remember anything from last night, but at track I found my thong next to the high jump pit... So it must has been decent
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