The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
who has that picture of us looking like alcoholics at the zoo?
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I generally just try to vote by which candidate I think has the bigger dick. Sorry Romney.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
at one point, i told him to buy you a pumpkin spice latte and uggs because you're a common white girl and that's how he should get you in bed
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
This feels more like a conference of all the people I've fucked in the past year.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
Randomize
