Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
My professor just gave everyone in the class extra credit... except for the kid wearing the Cubs hat
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
you were leaning up against the wall pulling your shirt up asking girls to dance on you. your courage to do that is both admirable and frightening.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
It was like sex on an active volcano surrounded by the night sky and bloodhounds. And by that I mean it was nice.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Randomize
