Porn is love you can see.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
she's like a sexy human version of my cat. i can't catch her, and she keeps throwing up in the corners.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I hate college football. It's really fucking with our phone sex schedule.
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
idk what to be more embarrassed/confused about, that i lost my underwear or that i woke up covered in fried rice
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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