Well, its 5:30am and you haven't let me in, I guess ill go home
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
Totally just asked Dad if I needed to show the real estate guy my tits so he would let us buy the house. I've really got to work on that filtering thing.
imagine how many guys you'd have sex if you didn't recieve your monthly gift.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
Anddon't worry about me I have my Darth Vader flashlight
That makes 14 Xmas cards already! Middle aged people are really nice to their dealers.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
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