i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
thank you TLC waking up to a water birth on tv really put the cherry on top of my hangover...
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
He tried to spell out "PROM?" in his cum on my stomach during sex. It was terrible
well did you say yes?
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
If it snows I'm making an igloo and getting wasted in it
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
He just got back from doing field research studying wild chimpanzees in the goddamn jungle. Obviously I fucked him.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
Pretty sure this radio station is run by a cult. Good thing it's in Spanish, can't brainwash someone who can't understand you.
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