Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
at a bonfire and someone threw a plastic cup in the fire. everyone immediately stopped what they were doing to yell collectively at him about what he was doing to the environment, then went back to drinking
only in oregon
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
what is college for if not random hookup sex?
learning.
i would literally fuck learning if i could.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
What do I have to do?! Spell it out for him? Why can't he just plow me and pull my hair at the same time
You are my new hero
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
Bruh. You offered the cashier tater tots that you had stuffed in your pocket.
Yeah, and? She might've been hungry.
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
Randomize
