Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I fed the cats at 7 am, made her eggs, gave her oral, and now I'm helping her clean and baking her brownies. Cosmos got nothing on me.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
as i sobered up i realized that her cute accent was actually a speech impediment
What is the proper Father's Day protocol when you're sleeping with a guy who has kids?
UPDATE: THERE IS ASS EATING. I REPEAT: THERE IS ASS EATING.
Note to self: dont wear a butt plug for several hours and then go gym and try and do squats
I dont understand why i cant be a wizard
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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