I just spent the last hour spooning with my drug dealer.
One of her kids, Dakota I think, got stuck in a ceiling fan and she had a fit, thats when she found the penis hat.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Life gets in the way of sexy Saturday sometimes
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
You were so stoked after landing that flip that you dropped acid with three random guys without hesitation
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
He sang a ten minute song about me sitting on his face and eating quesadillas. Pretty sure I have to marry him.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
