this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
You gave the cab driver your pants as collateral while you ran in the house for money.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
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