didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
Left my ID again and at a Giant's game. This is the second time they accepted my handgun safety certificate as proof of ID to buy beer.
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
The best part of last night was the women's softball game on the TV at the strip club
want to know what my life has come to? I just took a 45 min shower banging on the walls and making loud sex noises so my neighbors think I get some.
WAKE UP!!! We have 20 minutes to get to class. That means we only have 10 minutes to get drunk.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
we didnt plan anything. just randomly met up in the park, both reached into our pockets and each lit up a joint without exchanging words. we're telepathic potheads.
The guy I hooked up with last night left me alone with his dog AND IT JUST SHIT ON THE FLOOR. WHAT DO I DO
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
Randomize
