I just saw a woman point to her daughter and scream at her husband THIS IS YOUR GENES, THIS IS YOU.
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
WHAT THE FUCK. SUCH A BAD IDEA. YOU'RE NO LONGER IN CHARGE OF NOSE SUBSTANCES.
If I should ask "why am I still single?" could someone please remind me of shooting mike and ikes out of my nose at the bartender last Saturday. many thanks
I passed out in all my clothes. like my purse too..and with a cup of water next to me..and my last tweet last night was "Bye."
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Help. Why am I so naked?
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
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