and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
Considering he believes im part of the 2016 us curling team id say hes pretty drunk
So Easter dinner for me was at 4:40 this morning where i made Bagel Bites and had a glass of Chardonnay
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
Or I could just give you a blow job and make it up to you.
No, that's okay. Don't worry about it.
Going once.....twice.........sold to the girl who didn't really wanna do it anyway.
you are going to have to live with the consequences, i'm going to fuck your sister
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
You have no idea how pumped I am. I literally plan on dying. You're in my will
Besides the one of you shaking your cock for 10sec that was one of the best snapchat's ever haha
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Randomize
