it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
I don't know how much more of summer my liver can take.
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
I smell like bonfire and ex-boyfriends
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
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