Right on... I dropped my chapstick
I blacked out
i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
My diabetic professor who apparently didn't eat anything all day keeps passing out. I gave him a joint. He's gonna be fine.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
This medicine is making me nuts. I just woke up and I thought I was in a glass case with Asians staring at me.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
I went to Christian school in the 90s. I can finger blast anything, but dignity.
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
Randomize
