I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
Girl in front of me has spent the class alternating between playing farmville and the tiffany's website looking at engagement rings. Every once in a while she holds her hand up to the screen.
She doesn't deserve the breathe the same air that we do.
She just bought a cow and we've moved on to looking at wedding dresses.
if i found out she had a dick after i got head, does that still make me gay?
i have to get rid of the hedgehog.
Does it come with a cage?
yes. and food and toys.
i'll trade you an 8th for it
deal.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
So how many licks to the face does it take to get kicked out of the bar?
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
I just kept screaming "I'm fucking a preacher's son!" Also, this water tastes like weed.
Random thought: what if being devoured by animals was a death penalty option...and you got to choose the animal?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
I'll text you when I have a mental breakdown about it.
Please do.
Randomize