He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Just cleaned up my puke with my lecture notes.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
Yeah I think we tried to use the shower curtain as a parachute because its tied to my backpack with some string. Dont know if anyone actually attempted it though.
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
She carried my bag of puke down the aisle and the flight attendant wouldn't move the beverage cart so she put the puke bag in the flight attendant's face and said "I have a bag of sickness!" I've never seen a cart move that fast.
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
Randomize
