I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
i think the realest test of our friendship is how hot your sister looks right now
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
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