just saw bouncers outside a coffee shop. beginning to question humanity.
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
there are too many children here to make this hangover-friendly
she was in the bathroom washing her eye makeup off with hand sanitizer.
You refused to come over and kept yelling that you were gonna sleep on a car
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He was supposed to visit me tonight but he decided to stop in Tacoma so now I'm sitting on my bed naked eating oranges and candy corn while I watch Parks and Rec.
Now I have to hook up with him tomorrow DURING THE DAY.
Now the circle is complete. Just interviewed a guy who was a higher up member of the team I worked for in my job before this place
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
Nxt time we drink that much, we'll have to hide the crayons. Crayola-ing a mural on the living room wall wasnt the brightest idea, but it sure is classy. Right?
Randomize
