I just google mapped his house on satellite so i can really see how much money he has. Does that make me shallow?
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
Sometimes i wish my penis was detachable that way i could take it off sometimes so i wouldnt get into these situations
He was wearing his Class of 2007 shirt so I sat there for 5 minutes and read all the names of the guys I can remember giving head to.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
There is nothing quite so awkward as watching topless bullriding with your mother next to you..
my roommates tied me up with rope and duct tape then left me outside the door to the hot girls' suite on my floor, knocked on the door and ran away leaving me there with a sign that says free
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I gave myself a charlie horse masturbating this morning. I feel like that really set the tone for the day.
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
Randomize
