dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
By the way, your roommate is right. His penis is much bigger than yours.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
You're not on my level until you shop at Petsmart for sex accessories.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
They have a shelf full of jello shots, what have i gotten myself into
By the way, you're like fucking spiderman. I've never seen someone climb out of a car window that fast and eloquently.
Randomize
