Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
you dont understand this isnt a sit at a sports bar eating wings and having a beer night. this is a show up to the bar with a fith of Jack and just let what happens happen kinda night. im expecting to smack a bouncer
Ok let me change into clothes i can run in
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Having a man strip on demand was an awesome way to start birthday. What more could a girl ask for? U the best!
Bring me the dick of your room mate Alex and I will reward you in in skittles.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
He might not have any marketable talents, but the kid dry humps like no other.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Cookies and nudity, all you need in life
Buying a new pipe this morning, and setting up career plans this afternoon. It's called balance
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
