Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Here's a rundown of my night alone. Danced my ass off in the kitchen to FleetmacWood. Drank a little bit. Ordered $40 worth of Chinese food once the drinks kicked in. Picked up said Chinese in dirty sweatpants and slippers. #livinglife
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