Oh i forgot. I hit on a mentally challenged girl too.
Did I show you my penis last night?
I just want you to sit on my face and to tell you you're pretty. Most girls would leap at this opportunity.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
did you just describe your masturbation session as "rad af??"
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
