you said your puke was red because you were proud to be an american.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Naked snow angels was a very bad idea. My vag is now frozen shut.
i'm not drunk or reckless enough to have you track my every fucking move. I AM AN ADULT
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I cant believe you made me read bad furry sexts
Just checked out of walmart with a 30 pack of Budlight and a wiffle bat. Hello, Monday night.
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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