my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
I definitely recall eating shredded cheese out of the bag while you were wearing that apron.
Get dressed, I have 50$ and you need a new beer pong table since we threw yours off the 8th floor last night.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
I've officially done it all, fucked a girl wearing a twister board. ABC parties are amazing!
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
Look, I'm just saying, she looks like a troll and works indefinitely at a shitty Chinese restaurant, so me sleeping with her boyfriend is the least of her troubles...
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
For the record, if you sneeze while you have a dildo in your vagina and you dont have a good grip on it, that thing can get some distance.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
