i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Both he AND his 17 year old son were hitting on me... I'm bridging generational gaps
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Woke up covered in green glitter and beer. I am never leaving Ireland.
Maybe you can hide out somewhere she would never go. Like a counseling center or AA
Dude, I came home and you were passed out halfway through the front door in your Minnie Mouse outfit... with a beer still in hand
I don't want to jinx anything but I may have found the one.
Cat or human?
Human
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
Randomize
