we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
Our new goal for this summer is to fuck so hard we lose his security deposit.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Just saw a couple do like 5 Sakai bombs and my dad goes "who says love is dead"
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
I am naked and annoyed.
Randomize
