I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
I got my nipple pierced! I love it so much!
Well, there goes breastfeeding.
I have the worst wedgie. Seriously. Its horible. And there are people everywhere around me.
Slide your hand down the back of your pants and shift to the side slowly
...are you coming on to me?
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
Just caught my dad doing coke in my bathroom again. Guess whose getting a new car for christmasss.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
Amnesty Wednesday? I'm free to do dirty things to you and you can't laugh or judge?
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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