I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
my dad told me i had to spend my money wisely..so i spent the money he gave me for a desk chair on weed. ill be so high i wont even notice its gone
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
I gave ten strangers a full description of his penis and its abilities. I need to stop drinking.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
time for you to cut the loving, understanding, non-judgmental crap and say/do whatever it takes to make sure I never, ever, ever sleep with him again ever
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
you ripped my door off of the hinges, kicked it in half and then proceeded to throw it down the stairs because i wouldn't make you a cheese burger
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
