A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it's too soon in the relationship to think about him when i masturbate. so i think about his dad instead.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Dave when you find that upper decker at your house its from me but its for Jill not you
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
2 six inch heels, 3 big sangrias, no broken legs
Fuck I forgot the furry convention was this weekend and now I'm downtown. Way too high for this shit.
Pants are for mortals
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Randomize
