I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
I woke up wearing nothing but 7 partially eaten candy necklaces. Only one was around my neck. Don't even try to tell me I don't need plan B.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
We were in the shower and he sat down an wouldn't do anything. I'm so glad he manscapes. It made washing his balls less awkward.
I had fun last year but I was one half of the hoe train back then. At least I'll feel better about myself as a person this year.
I'm going to miss going to the strip club though.
So glad I decided to show up and puke in your trashcan.
These are the moments that bond souls forever.
I can't help but feel like we would be friends still if my phone didn't always capitalize BUTTLOAD...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
you don't go into accounting for the pussy....
Randomize
